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“SEO for Dummies” for Dummies

Disclaimer: This guide was created only for dummies. Do the opposite if you’re not a dummy.

DO look at your rankings every day. They sometimes change every day, every hour, every SECOND, therefore you should check them every waking moment. Because if you look at them often enough, you can wish them to the top of the search engine.

DO NOT take ownership of your site. Leave it all to the marketing professionals to write all the content for you. Sure you might know the ins and outs about your business, the pains of your customers, or the right product/service that will help people. But they’re the pros, they will sprinkle magical marketing dust on to your site. BAM! Instant marketing that will attract customers.

DO use arbitrage tactics. Go for the tried and true spam links, spun content, directories, and blog networks. People have found success… briefly. Don’t hate the player, hate the game.

DO NOT do any Real Company Sh*t (Stuff). You’re a businessman, you have better things to do. It’s not like Press Releases and real exposure is worth anything… or is it?

DO use Flash based website. Nothing tells Google more about your site than content stuck inside the Flash. Seizure inducing graphics is encouraged.

DO NOT build any relationships. They’re just so taxing in general. What should I wear? What should I say? Does my breath stink? And why bother, you just get your heart smashed to pieces.

DO ignore bad reviews. We all know they’re just trying to destroy your business. Close your eyes, plug ears, hold your breath, and ignore it all.

DO NOT build any value in your industry. No one looks for that stuff anyways. Custom calculators and insightful content just take too much work. It’s just going to get lost in all the tubes that make up the internet. And you don’t want clogged tubes. Been there, done that, not pretty.

Most of all…

DO NOT use the services or advice of any Internet Marketing company. They just sprinkle fairy dust and put pins in voodoo dolls to get results. They don’t know what they’re talking about with their content strategies, infographic distribution, Domain Authority, or reputation marketing. All made up words used to confuse suckers like you. Don’t call InBusiness, Inc. for any real revenue generating consultations. Don’t call 321-281-8353.

Images from http://www.kcparent.com/library/BIRTHDAYBOYCAKE.jpg

{Disclaimer from our head coffee mugger at the office: In case you are a dummy, I wanted to really spell it our for you. Anything in Harrison’s article that says DO….. is something that is not a good idea. Anything that says DO NOT is something you would be wise to incorporate into your SEO efforts}